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4. Toxic masculinity is reinforced by men refusing to condemn it. I condemn it so other men can take heart they’re not alone.

5. Reassurance. I need to talk to other men about how we discuss women and make sure we’re not engaged in toxic behavior.

6. I am not exempting myself from my culpability when I haven’t spoken out in the past. Yes, all men are culpable.

7. Derailing. I’m not changing the subject. The subject is men who openly discuss past and future sexual assault with other men.

8. Deflecting. This kind of talk is front and center, beyond the obvious criminal and ethical unacceptability of the associated actions.

9. Praise. I don’t want a cookie. I’m talking to and with other men who want to support other men in not being complicit.

10. Belief. You don’t have to believe me that I don’t talk like this and have never heard such talk in private. Not important.

The “not all men” behavior is: I’m not like this, I’m too good, reward me for what should be expected baseline moral behavior.