The Straw That Broke My CamelBak: an Anti-Hiking Manifesto
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evan w. stoner
@evanwstoner
writer. noisemaker.
probably two cats in a t-shirt.
evan w. stoner’s Tweets
low-key panicking thinking about how careful King Midas had to be when wiping his butt.
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✨There goes our rights!✨
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I look up grilling tips ONE TIME and YouTube forever thinks I want to fuck a Weber grill.
damn shame Dr. Strange's hair sucks in every universe.
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kinda thought the collapse of civilization would have a devil-may-care party vibe. this is just awful.
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if they're called ghost crabs when they're alive, what are they called when dead? 🧐
quick reminder that the German term for tramp stamp is "ass antlers."
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brb, taking a dip in Assawoman Bay.
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Why didnt the noodle feel qualified at his job? bc he had impasta syndrome
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Avengers Infinity War: Oh Snap
how is it not called Saw 2: Electric-Chair Boogaloo
can't wait for Survivor: The Moon
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barging into best buy like
I WANT THE SAME PROJECTOR THE RIDDLER HAS
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Gotham news stations will air any old clip huh
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waiting for the cowards at Disney to make live-action Bambi.
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a Godsmack tribute band called Gobsmack, but it's pronounced jobe-smack
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RT if supervillains should unionize.
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Nathaniel Essex was a PhD, right? But once he's a supervillain he goes by Mr. Sinister? So much for piling higher and deeper.
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We tried The Human Centipede, but what about The Centipede Centipede?
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thoughts and prayers for all the dead anti-vaxxers
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going to a concert, but first I have to inflate my beach ball that will annoy everyone.
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there's an actual animal that's a male tiger-female lion crossbreed called "tigons," AND there's a male lion-female tiger crossbreed called "ligers."
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let's reboot Star Wars to be more Miami Vice
the holy trinity -- "let's make it pagan, but not."
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we've had these in our family kitchen since living in Savannah (~25 yrs ago). I'll miss their problematic Creole poetry.
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there's a man playing Ed Sheeran tunes on accordion outside Trader Joe's...
you can play accordion and you CHOOSE to play ED SHEERAN!!!?!?
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My unvaccinated step dad says if he sees 9 more tweets about how much of a fucking idiot he is he’ll get it
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what happens when you get pooped on in goat yoga
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dumb hiking pics is my least favorite Instagram subgenre
"it's hotter than that Santana song!"
- some dad, probably. definitely not me.
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i have one and it's woven from real thunder-tongues
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I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna buy the @of_rude thunderlingus shirt
ski-yap, ba-dap old.reddit.com/r/funny/commen
holy SLAP ALERT, Batman!
youtu.be/U0-mjAB_Mig