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  1. Retweeted
    25 Feb 2016

    The audience at every Republican debate was teleported from a "Married With Children" taping in 1989.

  2. 7 Feb 2016

    I don't always have hands like jerry, but when I do, it's jerry Lewis

  3. Retweeted
    5 Feb 2016

    Leaving work on Friday before the like:

  4. 24 Jan 2016

    I don't always root for Denver, but when I do, it's for AFC champ status

  5. 17 Nov 2015

    The eagles don't always lose, but when they do it's because THE RECEIVERS CAN'T CATCH THE FREAKIN BALL

  6. Retweeted
    8 Nov 2015

    It seriously doesn't get sweeter than a walkoff overtime touchdown against Dallas in their stadium on prime-time.

  7. 13 Sep 2015

    I don't always chug beers on a Sunday, but when I do it's football season

  8. 30 Jul 2014

    Only fitting that as soon as I touchdown in Chicago, Through the Wire starts playing

  9. Retweeted
    20 Mar 2014

    The unfortunate part about all these games going to overtime is you have to see more pictures of the food at Buffalo Wild Wings

  10. Retweeted
    29 Dec 2013

    Hydrating after the win with Jerry Jones' tears

  11. Retweeted
    17 Nov 2013

    Eagles.

  12. Retweeted
    27 Jul 2013

    We may be on rival teams but we are still human and I sent prayers up for you brother along with all others injured today

  13. Retweeted
    12 May 2013

    Did Chewbacca have to go through puberty?

  14. Retweeted
    9 May 2013

    My favorite names are Steve and Gary. If that's your name we're immediate best friends.

  15. Retweeted
    20 Dec 2012

    "Are you there God? It's me, God 2." - Margaret (blasted on cocaine)

  16. Retweeted
    2 May 2013

    Warren is in the house.

  17. 2 May 2013

    Sup Cali?

  18. Retweeted
    19 Apr 2013

    Hey Tsarnaev -YOU'RE FUCKING OUT!!!!

  19. 19 Feb 2013
  20. 15 Feb 2013

    @TheKevster77 you and I both, my friend.

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