HOW. IS. THIS. REAL.pic.twitter.com/93QeM43kDa
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Send me this book and I will livetweet it.
WAIT I HAVE KINDLE UNLIMITED this book is free and I shall livetweet it for America
By Silent Majority A Novel By Roger Stone’s Attorneypic.twitter.com/YHJLq5IYMi
oh no you guys it’s so bad already help
“Daniel Carlson awoke from a dream- a few seconds later, he registered it as a nightmare. He exhaled hard confirming he was awake. The same dream. The dream was an emotion, not a scene. It was real. The dream did not forsake the laws of science.” WHAT IS HAPPENING
”The dream was pure feeling engendered by an internal dialogue with himself.”pic.twitter.com/j2JcY88NAJ
this is only the prologue and I am absolutely wreckedpic.twitter.com/3kvNrDMonG
oh Jesus he’s switched from past to present tense within the first paragraph this might actually kill me
“The Silent Majority is a fact-denier. It wants to win to win. Win for power.”pic.twitter.com/mRkVz3q7v9
“If you ask the Silent Majority what happens next when America is pure, one man, one religion, one culture, it fails to recognize it’s not even what it thinks it wants to be.” AM I HAVING A STROKE
Okay Daniel Carlson is president and he had a bad dream. I think.
Okay so POTUS is wearing maroon silk pajamas and he starts every day with a massage. This is starting to feel too real.
Oh no. Oh no. The morning massage is a ruse. It’s where he receives top secret reports from...what is absolutely an unconstitutional domestic monitoring program. Because he can’t trust the intelligence community. THERE’S A MOLE IN THE FBI.
omg his secretary accidentally typed massage as message and...now everyone knows the massages are just a cover for passing illegally obtained sensitive informationpic.twitter.com/RFGW3b6yXG
oh god The president just straight up ate the top secret note. Like he chewed it up and swallowed it.
okay hold up The Mayor of Spokane was just arrested for possession of cocaine, and suddenly this book has jumped the shark. Anyone who’s ever been to Spokane, WA knows it would have been meth.
OH MY GOD THE FBI DIRECTOR IS NAMED STONE I CANNOT BREATHE
This is straight fanfic and I am deceased.
THE VICE PRESIDENT IS VERY RELIGIOUS AND PRESIDENT CARLSON IS LIKE YEAH YEAH PRAYER IN SCHOOLS BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU’RE JUST HERE TO GIVE ME THE ELECTORAL VOTES IN THE BIBLE BELT
Now President Carlson is generously telling his son he can be any type of lawyer he wants to be. “Just don’t become a balllet dancer.” Yikes. The author is working through some serious internalized shit here.
I just read a four-page discussion of abortion that included only men, was offensive af, and ended with one of the characters saying “I’m tired of this issue. Let’s go play golf.”pic.twitter.com/IoyAUXf4ew
Oh god. The president’s secretary is a spitfire who left her abusive husband to work a man she believed in. Even though she’s not really into politics. And she laughs at his locker room talk. I feel like the writing is terrible, but so is the author.
Flashback to the President and his college friends visiting Jamaica after graduation. They talk about all the women they’re going to sleep with. One reminds them to...feed them a banana after sex to avoid pregnancy. WTF. HE JUST USED THE WORD NATIVE, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every description of a woman is... “She knows that she can fend you off. You just have to change your attitude and maybe she’ll come around.” “Uh, she’s disgusting. The one with the chubby cheeks and the freckles?”
AHAHAHAHA President Carlson can’t serve in Vietnam because he has bad kneespic.twitter.com/MtXr0bStUN
when do we get to the espionage, it started out so strong with eating secret messages in massage parlors, and now it’s just one long sad frat boy flashback
“Good friends bail you out of trouble. Great friends are with you when you’re in trouble.” oh shit Stone’s lawyer is def getting indicted irl you guys
jfc I’m skipping ahead to present day because this is insufferable
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