I don't update much anymore because my waking hours have been overwhelmingly consumed by long hours at work, clinical tests to figure out what's up with my health, and trying fruitlessly to will my stubborn body into being awake/asleep at "normal people times".
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But dedicating my time to the pursuit of health and financial stability means friends, understandably, assume I'm busy and stop calling. And I stopped calling too. I mean, who'd want to hang out with someone so tired they can barely leave home, heck, even leave bed, unmedicated?
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So I perpetuate the cycle of feeling unwanted by burying myself in work, but the fleeting pride in a job well done is no placebo for connection. This isn't to say I need anyone to "fix" me. I do OK on my own. Just please, friends, know that I'm trying my damnedest to get better.
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