Right, I think so too. What I mean is, I suspect average preferences have a lot to do with normativity made possible by large differences in scale of audience size, and little to do with essential generalizable preferences.
Incel's issue is at least as much a confusion between scales ("most people like George Clooney more than Danny Devito" vs "I look like Danny Devito & therefore nobody will ever have sex with me") as actual deviation from normative attractiveness.
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So, in this example, the foundation of that person's incel identity would be shattered by meeting just one Danny Devito fetishist. And, of course, that's on the normal end.
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(I mean also it's naive realism & lack of self-awareness & lack of empathy etc but that's literally every other group that people are willing to kill on behalf of have those problems too)
End of conversation
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