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emilyvdw's profile
Emily VanDerWerff 🙋‍♀️
Emily VanDerWerff 🙋‍♀️
Emily VanDerWerff  🙋‍♀️
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@emilyvdw

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Emily VanDerWerff  🙋‍♀️Verified account

@emilyvdw

Critic: @voxdotcom. Co-creator: @ArdenPod. The Taylor Swift of TV criticism. A Panera Bread reincarnated as a human woman. Losing forests; never losing trees.

Los Angeles, CA
vox.com/authors/emily-…
Joined March 2009

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    Emily VanDerWerff  🙋‍♀️‏Verified account @emilyvdw Feb 19

    Explaining the story of Jonah from the Bible to @CassieCelestepic.twitter.com/IviZ66oQ2X

    Emily says: And then God is, like, "HERE'S A STORM, AND IF YOU SAILORS THROW JONAH INTO THE SEA, I'LL TAKE IT AWAY." 5:52 So they do. 5:52 And the storm goes away. 5:53 And Jonah is, like, "I'm sorry I doubted you, Lord. I'll do anything to make it up to you if you just keep me from drowning." 5:53 At which point -- giant fish, which is the record scratch freeze frame "Yep that's me" of this story in the popular consciousness. Then Cassie says: that’s a really bad parable
    6:01 PM - 19 Feb 2021
    • 6 Retweets
    • 117 Likes
    • Rachel (she/her) Cordelia C Don't believe the hyperbole Elliot Utkarsh Bansal Laura Cyn Liz, A Recluse a catherine scorned
    7 replies 6 retweets 117 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Emily VanDerWerff  🙋‍♀️‏Verified account @emilyvdw Feb 19

        pic.twitter.com/64iFIzfzJK

        Emily says: This translation rules: 9 But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” “It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.” Me too, JOnah.  Cassie says: OMG I have felt that feel  Emily says: I love how shitty Jonah is tbh. He's just constantly mad at his bad dad. Cassie says: He's the original Kylo Ren  Then Emily says: Yes, exactly. You're ready to be a youth pastor. Congratulations.
        5 replies 4 retweets 78 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Emily VanDerWerff  🙋‍♀️‏Verified account @emilyvdw Feb 19

        Cassie didn’t grow up in the church, so sometimes I blow her mind by being, like, “You know Jesus beat up Satan while he was dead, right?”

        5 replies 0 retweets 66 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Emily VanDerWerff  🙋‍♀️‏Verified account @emilyvdw Feb 19

        Wikipedia: The story of Jonah has a rich interpretive tradition in the Jewish faith. Also Wikipedia: Lots of Christians throughout the history of the faith have spent a lot of time arguing about whether a guy could survive inside of a fish.

        3 replies 15 retweets 96 likes
        Show this thread
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Eve Ettinger‏ @eve_ettinger Feb 19
        Replying to @emilyvdw @CassieCeleste

        Don’t forget the worm

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. Emily VanDerWerff  🙋‍♀️‏Verified account @emilyvdw Feb 19
        Replying to @eve_ettinger @CassieCeleste

        OH WE GOT TO THE WORM. THAT TREE IS DEAD NOW.

        0 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Benjamin Blattberg‏ @inCatastrophe Feb 19
        Replying to @emilyvdw @CassieCeleste

        Parable? That’s for those Johnny-come-lately books of the Bible.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. Tony Basketball‏ @TonyWords Feb 19
        Replying to @emilyvdw @CassieCeleste

        Why spend 5 minutes explaining when you could just watch master and Commander which briefly mentions it instead

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. New conversation
      2. tim coe  🍾‏ @shakespeherian Feb 19
        Replying to @emilyvdw @CassieCeleste

        The book ends with God asking Jonah a sarcastic rhetorical question, it is the best book in the Bible

        1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
      3. Len Schiff‏ @Golem_of_Queens Feb 19
        Replying to @shakespeherian @emilyvdw @CassieCeleste

        And not just sarcastic, but hilariously awkwardly structured: 11 And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

        0 replies 0 retweets 14 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. nothings monstered‏ @nothingsmonstrd Feb 19
        Replying to @emilyvdw @CassieCeleste

        Jonah ends up on that ship because God wants him to tell people to repent or be destroyed; Jonah runs because he figures they'll kill him for saying this. ...

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. nothings monstered‏ @nothingsmonstrd Feb 19
        Replying to @nothingsmonstrd @emilyvdw @CassieCeleste

        ... Eventually Jonah does what God wants, the people end up repenting, and then Jonah looks like a doofus because nobody gets destroyed. Hilarious!

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Show replies

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