Emelie

@emeliesalot

It pleases me that Twitter says to use fewer than 140 characters here, rather than less.

Joined August 2010
27 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Apr 28

    Rogelio, my Lyft driver: "You pronounce my name very well!" Me:

  2. 15 hours ago

    Welcome to my wonderful life, everybody!

    Whatever the copy editor of my story collection is being paid, it's not enough 😊
    1 like
  3. Retweeted
    Jun 8

    McCain: Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Comey: Ok

    25 replies 804 retweets 2,994 likes
  4. Retweeted
    Jun 6

    💪☕️

    When some loves coffee as much as you do
    40 replies 181 retweets 1,025 likes
  5. Jun 6

    I'm a little late to the game here but not any less appalled

    Oh. That Hermione one is. Oh.
  6. Retweeted
    May 28

    isn't that what it's all about.

    102 replies 9,307 retweets 24,525 likes
  7. Retweeted
    Jun 3

    just told a giant lie and the lie was not just "I'll be right there" but also "I just have to put on a bra" BC BOTH ARE UNTRUE

    5 replies 3 retweets 148 likes
  8. Jun 1

    Never not accurate.

    Feminism, from the Latin for "don't read the comments."
  9. Jun 1

    culture means having to explain to young people that Walkmans are not Discmans.

    2 retweets 4 likes
  10. Jun 1

    "Man… oceans rise, empires fall."—'s poetic response to . "Fuck that fucking fuckhead." —mine.

    4 likes
  11. Retweeted
    May 30

    Wakes up. Checks Twitter. . . . Uh... . . . 📈 Lookups fo... . . . Regrets checking Twitter. Goes back to bed.

    2,149 replies 98,613 retweets 226,882 likes
  12. Retweeted
    May 25

    My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream...

    11,601 replies 164,879 retweets 533,083 likes
  13. Retweeted
    May 19

    I burst out laughing when I saw this video this morning. Hope it brightens your day.

    0:18
    Not easy to avoid the unwanted Trump hug, sometimes it even takes practice... A favorite moment from debate prep (9/24/16):
    7,361 replies 35,630 retweets 153,648 likes
  14. Retweeted
    May 15

    *looks directly at camera*

    Are you allowed to impeach a president for gross incompetence?
    19 replies 1,408 retweets 3,042 likes
  15. May 15

    It's just… so… good… → by

    1 like
  16. May 10

    Real quick cuz I've been out of the game for a while: Do men do things other than stink*? *cologne, disaster presidencies, BO, etc.

    1 reply 1 retweet 3 likes
  17. May 5

    STILL NOT OVER IT

  18. May 4

    Mood.

    It’s Thursday. How many people have lost their healthcare today?
  19. May 1

    Oh, so women can't even play fucking FICTIONAL baseball now?

    Fox's Canceled After One Season

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