Emily Cunningham

So I'm sitting at a Starbucks in Newton, MA. Long story. Within earshot: a high schooler apparently applying to colleges this fall. With him: what appears to be a high-priced college admissions tutor. Or at least she should be highly paid. 1/

While he's sitting there spacing out, she's typing his entire damn college admissions essay! How is that sort of stuff legal?!? "This is fine, but let's rewrite this." - Yeah "How about we say, 'I spend more time coding than virtually anything else'?" - Yeah

"'After logging hundreds of hours on this project, I quickly realized I needed to teach myself SQL database management.'" - Yeah "Should 'SQL' be all caps?" - Yeah

The kid apparently doesn't know the difference between "their" and "there," and he'll have a pitch-perfect personal statement. Paging @NYUniversity, @Harvard, @Stanford college admissions: How in the world is this sort of thing legal?! If it isn't, what do you do to stop it?

The freakin' college tutor just got an email from a programmer colleague who counseled her on how to portray the whole SQL thing, so it's "realistic." This is depressing.

"I'm excited about this project because it follows my passion of helping." - Yeah Stop it, please.

Now the kid is worried about not having enough time to finish the essay. "Don't worry. It's a marathon, not a sprint." Yeah, don't worry, buddy. Mommy & daddy are paying for the marathon. All of it. Don't worry. Sigh.

Correction: they settled on "mission," not "passion." His literal contribution to that change: "Yeah." (It was a really passionate one, though.) Sigh².