Elizabeth Teets

@ElizabethTeets

Mr. Steal Your Girl. Writer, Comedian, Jumpsuit Queen. Isn't She Great @ Hollywood Theater

Portland
soundcloud.com/user-960791757
Joined May 2011
218 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    26 Jul 2018

    Actual photo of my every day fight against toxic masculinity

    2 likes
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  2. 14 hours ago

    Happy Birthday to the dreamy

    2 likes
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  3. Jul 16

    I listen to the Jawbreaker soundtrack a lot at work so everyone knows I'm the queen b of this property management office

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  4. Jul 16

    Until a Bagel and Cream Cheese is keto I'm fine running off carbs

    1 like
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  5. Jul 13

    White Claw tastes like garbage

    2 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Jul 7

    “Did you cum?” Did I cum? Did you feel the glorious euphoria that is a woman’s orgasm? Did the heavens open above for the angels to rejoice?? No I didn’t cum get out of my house Brandon

    710 replies 30,801 retweets 213,954 likes
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  7. Jul 13

    Sure we can go on a date but my skin tag is ordering its own entree

    3 likes
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  8. Jul 12

    Maybe it really was Memphis 🤔🤔🤔

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  9. Jul 11

    If you are very particular about ice please get the fuck over yourself

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  10. Jul 10

    I send my gay boyfriend the best sexts

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  11. Jul 9

    Honestly I have no idea what I'd be if it wasn't for Bette Midler

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  12. Jul 9

    Doing some tallying to find out of I broke more hearts or heels this year

    1 like
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  13. Jul 8

    THIS

    My best advice if u want a writer to fuck u is to say “I’m more of a reader”
    1 like
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  14. Jul 8

    I don't trust anyone who doesn't like pancakes

    2 likes
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  15. Jul 8

    Essay collections I shouldn't miss out on?

    2 likes
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  16. Jul 7

    Portland! I need a warehouse space (or equally cool) to throw a party! ideas?

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  17. Jul 7

    Honestly can't call yourself a dem without central air for all.

    This Tweet is unavailable.
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  18. Retweeted
    Jul 6

    i can't stop watching this video

    21 replies 1,553 retweets 5,941 likes
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  19. Retweeted
    Jul 7

    PAY THESE WOMEN WHAT THEY DESERVE YOU COWARDS

    82 replies 8,909 retweets 39,094 likes
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  20. Jul 7

    So you think it was our president having no chill about having both concentration camps and a military parade along with my best friend getting attacked by right wing hate groups or food poisoning that caused me to shit the bed this week?

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  21. Jul 7

    Shout out who the guy who couldn't stop laughing after I checked out what must have been his husband's great butt

    3 likes
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