anyways my Very Hungry Child still has a vice grip on my nipples but I'm also at my mom's for a few days bc 2 weeks of 5-or-less hours of sleep gave me a spooky panic attack so I'm here to have a daytime caregiver and catch up on sleep via Napping
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grandparents are so good at babies
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also did you know that if you are mentally like "everything is fine" for several weeks when everything is Not Fine, your body may decide to inform you of this via hives and then if you are like "hives are fine, I'm fine," you may end up hyperventilating on a drive to the store
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and also that if you hyperventilate hard enough your HANDS AND FEET MIGHT CURL UP TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CAN'T OPERATE A CELL PHONE AND HAVE TO YELP FOR STRANGERS IN THE PARKING LOT OF A QFC (they were extremely nice and I am kicking myself for not getting their names)
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I'm tweeting about this bc I'm embarrassed and I don't want to talk about it but apparently "not wanting to talk about it" means that 2 weeks later I get to explain my history with anxiety to a 911 operator while a nice man plays peek-a-boo with my kid
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apparently I can't just decide that a current train of thought is insane and simply decide to stop thinking those thoughts anyways I'm fine but I honestly expected this sort of thing in the first few months, not NOW
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my mom has gifted me a massage which I will indulge in tomorrow before going home on Wednesday do you want to know what my brain thinks of that??? do you??? "man eigen sure misses me, better feel guilty about getting a massage" what the fuck!!!
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the tweeting is a good sign, you see, bc I can be affectionately exasperated with this state of affairs now instead of feeling like it means I deserve Zero Friends anyways baby has released my nipple and now I'm going back to bed
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tomorrow I will use my mother's childcare expertise to its fullest extent and take Several Naps with earplugs
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good night, twitter having a baby is still the best thing I've ever done but man it's hard in ways I could not possibly have predicted! this is, in itself, an extremely cool thing to experience I still want a few more but wow humans making more humans wild shit
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gooooooooooo to bed!!!
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