Increasingly I’m becoming convinced that my best friend for quite a few has borderline personality disorder We’ve since fallen out, and to be honest I don’t know how I put up with it for years. In retrospect it’s the most unacceptable pattern of behaviour I’ve ever experienced
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It’s also an incredibly useful disorder for abusive behaviour, because the rapid swings between idealisation and devaluation mean just as you’re about to cut it off, the person can show incredibly effusive love and appear to repent before repeating unspeakable cruelties
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And the unreasonable expectations (I treat you like shit, you must never fall foul of my contradictory moods and standards) have a huge toll on mental health I also witnessed calculated cruelty this person would openly plan toward third persons that mirrored behaviour toward me
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At this point I’ve reconciled myself to never making any contact again, because I don’t think the behaviour is curable, but it’s involved essentially giving up on the many mutual friends we shared because it can never get better
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I don’t think I’d call it “trauma”, but I definitely have an ongoing unwillingness to trust or be open because of it
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And I’m very confident in my armchair diagnosis, because the DSM requires 5/9 symptomatic behaviour patterns and I’m certain of 6, and quite confident of a further 2 (they’re subjectively assessed so I can’t say with any certainty)
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im sorry man. this just sucks.
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