working on a theory re: apologies and such specifically I get the sense that people have come to misunderstand apologies. I don't entirely understand them myself but I want to spitball
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the failure mode seems to be interpreting apologies as being necessarily massive acts of self abnegation if someone apologizes to another this is necessarily a matter of groveling. every time its the Humiliation of Canossa there are a stack of failure modes here lets enumerate
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A) one common failure mode is interpreting an apology to oneself as necessarily an opportunity to condemn another or make outrageous demands of them an apology is an acknowledgement of a lapse and so an opportunity to destroy while one is morally outlawed
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this is in fact completely unchristian and sort of a weird development as at Canossa, an act of such abasement /imposes a tacit obligation to forgive/, as Gregory VII was forced to do in rescinding Henry IV's excommunication
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of course one can still refuse forgiveness but depending on circumstance this can make you look like Kind Of An Unreasonable Dick (complicated) but in any case responding to genuine contrition with violence is ghastly
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but such untoward aggression seems to be a common response to public apologies because they are in fact an admission of guilt which seems bad because
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Replying to @eigenrobot
What about when people use apologies as a weapon, to gain power back over the wronged party knowing that they will be forced to forgive them. You see this a lot with apologies for infidelity where the unfaithful party blames the other for not forgiving them.
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yeah I was thinking of just such a case and wanted to allude to it without really getting into the weeds fuck those people first off but second its relevant to scaled social apologies meant to maintain large group cohesion vs personal ones
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Replying to @eigenrobot
Apologies have a lot to do with raw power, individual and social. I hate to say this but what has Robin Hanson said about them.
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