the failure mode seems to be interpreting apologies as being necessarily massive acts of self abnegation if someone apologizes to another this is necessarily a matter of groveling. every time its the Humiliation of Canossa there are a stack of failure modes here lets enumerate
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A) one common failure mode is interpreting an apology to oneself as necessarily an opportunity to condemn another or make outrageous demands of them an apology is an acknowledgement of a lapse and so an opportunity to destroy while one is morally outlawed
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this is in fact completely unchristian and sort of a weird development as at Canossa, an act of such abasement /imposes a tacit obligation to forgive/, as Gregory VII was forced to do in rescinding Henry IV's excommunication
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of course one can still refuse forgiveness but depending on circumstance this can make you look like Kind Of An Unreasonable Dick (complicated) but in any case responding to genuine contrition with violence is ghastly
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but such untoward aggression seems to be a common response to public apologies because they are in fact an admission of guilt which seems bad because
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B) a second and relates error is believing that an apology compels unlimited liability, or unbounded atonement if you like its not enough to make an injured party whole. the reparations must be punitive and dictated by the harmed party frankly this is insane
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if I accidentally cut in line, a quick apology and a sheepish look is appropriate going into exile in a hairshirt is not, no matter how much of a utility monster the offended party is. and if they were to insist on that. once more theyre kind of the dick now
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C) my suspicion is that maybe the misunderstandings in A and B have led to people being very reluctant to apologize when they are clearly in the wrong because the offended party might use any acknowledgment of trespass as an opportunity to destroy them
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and i don't think this is a fear that is unfounded! it is a pity though because this means no one apologizes they just kind of raise their hackles and say how DARE you imply that I admit fault ever and you get retarded doublings down on being a dick that a simple sorry would fix
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eigenrobot Retweeted Snapshots of a Cold Grey Dawn
apologies have a lot to do with maintaining social coherence and as noted are a really important ritual im not sure what the direction of causality is between their degradation and social disintegration but it seems salienthttps://twitter.com/Amos_5_18/status/1424992177650864128?s=19 …
eigenrobot added,
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anyway I hope this helps its good practice to think about this as you go about your day on anon twitter and if your inappropriately rude to someone try saying sorry just to take a crack at it and then if theyre a dick about it, you know, just refuse, which is also good practice
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special thanks to the Church for really honing the matter of soteriology to a fine point and passing it to me in my younger days. im grateful for this and hope I have not misrepresented her terms too badly
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eigenrobot Retweeted eigenrobot
last thought in some ways this might make contemporary apologies a flex to the extent that it implies the person your apologizing to is not actually a threat to you not sure what i think of this.https://twitter.com/eigenrobot/status/1424992991760977923?s=19 …
eigenrobot added,
eigenrobot @eigenrobotand i don't think this is a fear that is unfounded! it is a pity though because this means no one apologizes they just kind of raise their hackles and say how DARE you imply that I admit fault ever and you get retarded doublings down on being a dick that a simple sorry would fixShow this thread6 replies 0 retweets 52 likesShow this thread
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