a fortunate thing is that what I wanted to do at any given point in time, as a child, was pretty much universally "read" sometimes video games but mostly reading my guess is that this was one of the top lucky breaks of my life. I learned a lot
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university was where problems became apparent because my interests started to branch out beyond school and tests got hard enough that I couldnt always just solve them on the fly. and some material was really dull. sorry biochemists protein folding is boring
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so this is where I started to quit things via DGAF at various stages I have more or less dropped out of biochemistry, economics grad school, and my first job just by inexorable disinterest on full reflection I think this is Good actually
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biology is an objectively terrible career (sorry biologists) academic economics would have made me miserable like my parents were miserable my first job out of grad school was soul killing and dishonest this is not sour grapes, they are good for some people for sure
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the one major downside to all this is that I think I would be much more successful at my current job and hence richer if I were capable of significant executive function my performance reviews usually boil down to "your great on technique but jfc get your shit together"
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im getting better though. the trick seems to be getting good enough at what im doing that I don't actually have to think about it that hard --> move very quickly ---> fewer opportunities to get distracted by more interesting things
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overall I think being hopelessly undisciplined has been a net positive on my life in spite of the occasion drawbacks and that feels immensely fortunate.
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Replying to @eigenrobot
How do you feel about the moralizing topspin that people tend to put on this? Do you make a distinction between “I’m being lazy” and “my healthy inability to tolerate drudgery or boredom is kicking in?”
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Replying to @JakeOrthwein
it mostly doesnt bother me but I am also not really a target of it objectively it probably looks like I work very hard
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Replying to @eigenrobot
Because doing things for fun that other people find hard (eg reading) or because working long hours despite being disorganized?
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I don't usually work long hours (except very occasionally when I get super behind and pull an all nighter) rather I am just incredibly efficient when I do start producing output and looking at my CV you would probably not thing "what a lazy guy"
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