had a good day at work reflecting now on what my life would have been like if I had ever possessed any self-discipline some things would have been easier for me but i would have missed out on a lot
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a fortunate thing is that what I wanted to do at any given point in time, as a child, was pretty much universally "read" sometimes video games but mostly reading my guess is that this was one of the top lucky breaks of my life. I learned a lot
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university was where problems became apparent because my interests started to branch out beyond school and tests got hard enough that I couldnt always just solve them on the fly. and some material was really dull. sorry biochemists protein folding is boring
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so this is where I started to quit things via DGAF at various stages I have more or less dropped out of biochemistry, economics grad school, and my first job just by inexorable disinterest on full reflection I think this is Good actually
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biology is an objectively terrible career (sorry biologists) academic economics would have made me miserable like my parents were miserable my first job out of grad school was soul killing and dishonest this is not sour grapes, they are good for some people for sure
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the one major downside to all this is that I think I would be much more successful at my current job and hence richer if I were capable of significant executive function my performance reviews usually boil down to "your great on technique but jfc get your shit together"
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im getting better though. the trick seems to be getting good enough at what im doing that I don't actually have to think about it that hard --> move very quickly ---> fewer opportunities to get distracted by more interesting things
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overall I think being hopelessly undisciplined has been a net positive on my life in spite of the occasion drawbacks and that feels immensely fortunate.
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End of conversation
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High school for me was about being competitive and most subjects I was alright at. Bad at writing and that took up most of my time both in school and social life.
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