For once in my life, I'm not starting shit, but I've noticed an odd confidence among the marriage and SAHM boosters that divorce is something that happens to Other People. And that having a plan for the marriage going south is...gauche?
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Replying to @HHillespie @sgodofsk and
i dont think theres anything incorrect about your description of the risks of being a SAHM. what im objecting to is the valorization of a career per se rather than a career pursued pragmatically
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Replying to @eigenrobot @sgodofsk and
Sure. There's a constant - and natural - tug between private and public life. And the current way of squaring the circle is to just tell people to pick a side. No way to run a society.
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Replying to @HHillespie @eigenrobot and
to give you an idea: in my erstwhile marriage my wife decided it reflected poorly on her that she was working and I was in business school, because she was "supporting" me (never mind I was paying our expenses from savings, not important, it's the appearances)
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Replying to @sgodofsk @HHillespie and
she did not want me to be a stay at home dad, and did not want to be a stay at home mom, explicitly because she thought other people would perceive her as low status either way
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Replying to @sgodofsk @HHillespie and
the mix of genuine good reasons for women to be treated like their equally competent male counterparts, and a whole bunch of other politics on the other hand, has resulted in some very weird messaging for young bright girls in particular
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Replying to @selentelechia @sgodofsk and
"you are too smart to waste your time on childcare" "you're smart enough to compete with men in STEM!" [implicitly: so you should] "don't marry a deadbeat" [implicitly: men without jobs are deadbeats] ^ all stuff I was told by people I looked up to
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Replying to @selentelechia @HHillespie and
the situation with hannah was worse than bad advice, it was that she was primarily concerned not with her own welfare and career, but how her choices would be perceived by others.
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Replying to @sgodofsk @HHillespie and
yeah, I get that I'm saying that the pressure to think that way is a systemic brainworm for a lot of women
in the end it's a matter of personal responsibility to overcome it, and she failed to do that2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes -
Replying to @selentelechia @sgodofsk and
Men too in my social circles. Having a stay at home wife is bad. Like it means you didn't marry well or you're a troglodyte.
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i suspect this view is quietly getting rarer among the UMC
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Replying to @eigenrobot @selentelechia and
I hope so since I'm about to become a sahm
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