@selentelechia if you were curious, your views may vary and i feel that its only fair you are aware of this train of thought wrt @babymoonbot
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Replying to @eigenrobot @HHillespie and
also most divorces happen pretty early in marriages
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Replying to @sgodofsk @eigenrobot and
For once in my life, I'm not starting shit, but I've noticed an odd confidence among the marriage and SAHM boosters that divorce is something that happens to Other People. And that having a plan for the marriage going south is...gauche?
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Replying to @HHillespie @sgodofsk and
i dont think theres anything incorrect about your description of the risks of being a SAHM. what im objecting to is the valorization of a career per se rather than a career pursued pragmatically
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Replying to @eigenrobot @sgodofsk and
Sure. There's a constant - and natural - tug between private and public life. And the current way of squaring the circle is to just tell people to pick a side. No way to run a society.
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Replying to @HHillespie @eigenrobot and
to give you an idea: in my erstwhile marriage my wife decided it reflected poorly on her that she was working and I was in business school, because she was "supporting" me (never mind I was paying our expenses from savings, not important, it's the appearances)
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Replying to @sgodofsk @HHillespie and
she did not want me to be a stay at home dad, and did not want to be a stay at home mom, explicitly because she thought other people would perceive her as low status either way
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Replying to @sgodofsk @HHillespie and
the mix of genuine good reasons for women to be treated like their equally competent male counterparts, and a whole bunch of other politics on the other hand, has resulted in some very weird messaging for young bright girls in particular
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Replying to @selentelechia @sgodofsk and
"you are too smart to waste your time on childcare" "you're smart enough to compete with men in STEM!" [implicitly: so you should] "don't marry a deadbeat" [implicitly: men without jobs are deadbeats] ^ all stuff I was told by people I looked up to
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Replying to @selentelechia @sgodofsk and
nobody *ever* talked to me about 1. Fertility timelines 2. What "biological clock" jokes actually referred to wrt hormonal drive to have children that happens to many women as they age 3. Figuring out creative ways to stay marketable and also keep the SAHM thing open
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did you ever take home echttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-7Rm-qa8Yk …
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Replying to @eigenrobot @sgodofsk and
it was a shell of itself to my mom's credit, she did try to push me towards a pragmatic stance, but i don't think she ever really felt *good* about being functionally incapable of work due to her health, so the message was mixed
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Replying to @selentelechia @eigenrobot and
My maternal grandmother married, successively, a womanizing drunk who died before 50, and an abusive psychopath. All things considered, I’m surprised Mom didn’t turn out bitter.
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End of conversation
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