Coming around to my "stuck" feeling -- I feel stuck because I can't see an immediate path forward besides sighing, sucking it up, and continuing to play the Business Game.https://twitter.com/BenRatkey/status/1387099372190642176?s=20 …
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
Which really.... is fine, I guess. It could be so, so, so much worse. Things are great; probably the best they've ever been.
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
But I don't want to stagnate or sit in one place. I want to keep growing and evolving and changing and adapting. I want to play new games. I want to break rules, and write new rules, and meet new players.
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
But at the end of the day, ya gotta pay rent on May 1, and it's really fucking hard to climb out of the local minima I'm inhabiting. It's hard to quit this game.
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
I'm part of the way there. I'm not corpo; I'm a freelancer with my own business. The new game feels within reach... or maybe just barely out of reach. From that tension & dissonance arises the "stuckness"
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
I feel so close. I feel pulled in different directions. I feel lost and stuck and free and paralyzed and overwhelmed by possibility.... all at the same time.
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
Ben :D Retweeted Ben :D
Ben :D added,
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
Ben :D Retweeted Ben :D
Ben :D added,
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
Where do I go from here? Where is "here"? The Net is indeed vast and infinite.
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Replying to @BenRatkey @blisstweeting
i wonder if answer is simple. maybe you're just burned out? i had not really taken an extended vacation between grad school and my first job post and it was a hash. I left that job and had a five month stretch before my next one started; I was a little broke as a consequence,
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but ultimately the period (despite being dreadful in many ways, eg a divorce) did serve to let me recharge, simply by not having to do anything at any given time and I hit my next job and experienced a period of major personal growth, from having laid fallow
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having a child is (I expect) also spurring some integration for me. my outlook on work has shifted further; its not even something I care about per se, but rather has the vibe of an errand I run every day to _facilitate_ my family's flourishing
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maybe one thing to consider is that I don't actually expect anything out of work apart from a paycheck. it's sometimes fun and I like my coworkers, but that's a pure bonus; im not looking for any deep meaning here, only function
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