I was sitting in the hospital, watching my baby sleep, and feeling my heart breaking open more and more. the whole world around started cracking at the seams it was just me and the baby and the eternity and it was almost too much but also it was exactly just as it should be
-
Show this thread
-
I watched this sweet little potato and saw how perfect she was at the moment and thought how she’s gonna grow up soon, and get to walk, and talk and move out but at the same time I knew she’ll always be my newborn little potato, just like she’s already all these other things
1 reply 0 retweets 22 likesShow this thread -
damn I’m crying again it’s been only 2.5 weeks and I can see she’s already grown up a bit and this trend will only continue and it’s so easy to miss all these little moments of her doing all these sweet potato things, especially when I’m too exhausted which is most of the time
1 reply 0 retweets 18 likesShow this thread -
but being there to witness how she’s like right now becomes the most important thing sure we’re taking a lot of photos but it’s not the same and she’s just so perfect even when she’s crying and screaming that it breaks my heart each time
2 replies 0 retweets 21 likesShow this thread -
beneath this overwhelming love there’s also immense grief there’s this sense of impermanence that becomes very tangible and real I wouldn’t actually want my daughter to stay a tiny baby forever, but the thought of her growing up is so heartbreaking
1 reply 1 retweet 26 likesShow this thread -
there’s also grief for the life I once had that’s never coming back again I’m a mother now, my needs are never going to be a priority anymore, not even my own I’m eating lunch alone while husband is taking care of crying baby, and I’m crying all the time too
1 reply 0 retweets 22 likesShow this thread -
and then underneath it all there’s also the sense that this is all exactly how it should be that I am prepared for this, all of it I can totally see how without husband’s support this could evolve into full-blown depression but we’re in this together, so it’s beautiful instead
1 reply 0 retweets 19 likesShow this thread -
the most challenging part is finding time and space to feel it all, especially when I’m exhausted and underslept normally I used journaling, tarot, etc to access and process challenging emotions, but this time they’re of no help cause my mind isn’t working at all
1 reply 0 retweets 17 likesShow this thread -
I’m also having troubles accessing them through the body cause exercise, yoga, hot baths, and even long walks are off limits for now there’s also still a lot of pain in my body after the birth itself at least when I have a chance to sleep, there’s no trouble falling asleep
1 reply 0 retweets 18 likesShow this thread -
but overall I’m surprised at how naturally this parenting stuff comes to me all my life I struggled with perfectionism but it’s just not there for the baby stuff I just tell the baby, thank you for your patience while I figure it out how to be your mother, and move on
4 replies 0 retweets 39 likesShow this thread
this is beautiful. thank you 
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.