i think part of the deal for me is i don’t identify very strongly as an asian, and have in many ways kinda disowned my asianness most of my life (will get around to undoing this one day)
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @eigenrobot and
Interesting..what qualities or things do you associate with “asianness”? And in what do they make you want to disassociate from?
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Replying to @auderdy @eigenrobot and
i can only think of petty things rn. uh... only hanging out with other asians, drinking boba, playing piano and violin but not knowing how to improvise, being nerdy in a particular way overall i guess asians feel uncool to me in american culture and i want to be cool lol
2 replies 0 retweets 21 likes -
Replying to @QiaochuYuan @auderdy and
Haha same My one path to coolness in senior year and early college was "act less like Asians and more like my "real American" friends"
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Replying to @krzhang @QiaochuYuan and
Woh is this something Asians associate with being Asian? is it possible white people have this too but don't associate it with their ethnicity or is this something qualitatively different
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Replying to @eigenrobot @QiaochuYuan and
I want to coin it "Asian guilt" It's this massive feeling of insecurity because you're never top dog in HS settings
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Replying to @krzhang @eigenrobot and
for me it gets tied up with resenting white men and wanting to date white women, in this really unfortunate way
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @krzhang and
do you mind if I ask you about either of those? completely descriptively, im just suddenly really curious about how you perceive white people it had never occurred to me to imagine I was seen in this way
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Replying to @eigenrobot @krzhang and
i grew up in the US watching a ton of TV with almost exclusively white characters esp. in romantic situations so i feel like my archetypes for both the sort of person i was supposed to be and the sort of person i was supposed to want were white (among other things)
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @eigenrobot and
the first three women i dated (white, asian, white) all dated white men after me, two of them iirc lost their virginities to those men and not to me, and that’s left a weird imprint i haven’t worked through yet. always felt to me like white men were fundamentally sexier than me
2 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
Oh wow. That makes a lot of sense and would absolutely give me a complex. Weird male thing I can't make legible but understand implicitly
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