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eigenrobot's profile
eigenrobot
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@eigenrobot

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eigenrobot

@eigenrobot

robot. friend.

eigenrobot.substack.com
Joined July 2013

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    eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 4 Jun 2020

    CORVID PERFIDY REPORT i did not sleep last night and so this morning--just moments ago!--i took a bit of a constitutional to freshen up it escalated quickly

    9:11 AM - 4 Jun 2020
    • 2 Retweets
    • 63 Likes
    • MuddPuppy Enye Word June "Wakalix", 💎 braverius Limes Grug, Western T(obacco) Merchant 5'11'' 71IQ W Abeoma Nathan
    5 replies 2 retweets 63 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 4 Jun 2020

        I had scarce gone two blocks when lo! twenty paces ahead I saw a neighborhood crow The old fellow seemed to be in a scrape with something small and dark A bug?--no; there are none so large in Seattle No friends, it were a MOUSE that bird tried to eat!

        2 replies 0 retweets 41 likes
        Show this thread
      3. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 4 Jun 2020

        The poor little guy was struggling to run for cover, but the ebon bird was too large and too fast, and it would surely soon devour my fellow mammal whole I Sprinted at the dastardly avian at full speed

        2 replies 0 retweets 36 likes
        Show this thread
      4. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 4 Jun 2020

        The crow recognized a foe beyond his reckoning, and the coward flew posthaste to an electrical wire and peered down with disdain and--could it be?--FEAR Mouse buddy dashed into an open parking garage and disappeared. None worse for wear, I hope

        3 replies 0 retweets 36 likes
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      5. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 4 Jun 2020

        But the crow was not done for. I spent five minutes chasing him from perch to perch until I was sure the mouse had a chance to hide and lick its wounds. Sadly no video, I don't take my phone outside these days. Anyway tldr fucking crows The End @browserdotsys

        4 replies 0 retweets 40 likes
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      6. End of conversation
      1. Dandy Roddick‏ @Dandy_Roddick 4 Jun 2020
        Replying to @eigenrobot

        The first Tom Collins of the day is the sweetest.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Kasper Kubica‏ @KasperKubica 4 Jun 2020
        Replying to @eigenrobot

        Eigen continues to be my favorite Great American Novelist

        1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
      3. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 4 Jun 2020
        Replying to @KasperKubica

        ☺️

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Recently Converted Ronanist‏ @Bugs_Meany 4 Jun 2020
        Replying to @eigenrobot

        "i took a bit of a constitutional" True story: as a child, some adult referred to their morning dump as 'their constitutional'... ...and i sincerely thought it was a nice way of saying, "taking a relaxing shit" well into adulthood.

        1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      3. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 4 Jun 2020
        Replying to @Bugs_Meany

        I know it from the goons in 101 Dalmatians

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. MuddPuppy‏ @1MuddPuppy 8 Jun 2020
        Replying to @eigenrobot

        Where I come from, a "morning constitutional" is a big honking poo. I was not mentally prepared for this thread. I sincerely thought you were shitting on the sidewalk while watching a crow.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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