this seems correct? hmmmmmmhttps://twitter.com/The_WGD/status/1262738363272101888 …
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I don't know why but I almost literally cannot stop myself from quibbling with polls that don't give me the option I want. Anyway I have 100% less social anxiety than I did before I married, i.e. the same amount.
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So same?
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I found that a whole lot of the things i was doing were about trying to make myself “interesting” and so I became really boring after a while
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Yeah that feels true. Less pressure in that sense
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can talk about this for a long time, there are many elements to it and/but they all fit together quite sensibly. "I cannot find a partner / maybe I am unlovable" is a *kind* of status anxiety that does typically get diminished substantially by finding a partner
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but also status is a lot wider and broader than just having a spouse. it can be helpful to observe status games amongst monkeys as a sort of proxy. status is social currency. it means you're less likely to go hungry or homeless, more likely to be supported through sickness, etc
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'no anxiety' is technically 'same' but hm
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I suspect on a more fine-tuned survey (ie including gender and whether you married socio-economically up, down or laterally) the least anxiety would be high status men and any spouse, and the most would be middle of the pack women marrying down
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its actually a U-curve. your anxiety goes down initially, but then back up to where it started as soon as you realize your partner will only stay with you if you maintain your status.
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Maybe related: in current relationship I started noticing when I only wanted or valued things because I felt I was supposed to. Huge relief to say, "Wait, I don't have to care about that."
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