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eigenrobot's profile
eigenrobot
eigenrobot
eigenrobot
@eigenrobot

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eigenrobot

@eigenrobot

robot. friend.

eigenrobot.substack.com
Joined July 2013

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    2. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @jack_meditates @QiaochuYuan and

      yeah! it can be tricky to navigate esp if you have a hard time tracking/perceiving subtle social dynamics and signals working on articulating this

      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
    3. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      oh! re: eigen flustering me perhaps I can clarify something while I try to describe the whole dynamic he just. so obviously didn't _need anything from me_ it wasn't that he was indifferent to me being in his life but everything about him projected a...lack of desperation?

      1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
    4. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      _playfully flustering someone_ can be a way to subvert common failure modes eigen does this with me a lot, I tend to assume more implicit transactional framings/obligations inherent in favors/gifts/etc contrast with, say, an ex of mine where _something_ screamed (1/2)

      1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
    5. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      (2/2) ...that he was *expecting* the gesture to result in more attachment/investment/intimacy from me and that he would be disappointed/hurt/wounded/stung if I didn't respond that way

      1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
    6. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      if you were, say, extremely rich and also generous and wanted to satisfy your desire for *simply delighting people* with large gifts or expensive gestures it would be important to *also* project (somehow??) that you *did not need a goddamn thing from the recipients*

      2 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
    7. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      someone abundant in resources of any kind (including subtle/intangible things like social status, abliity-to-be-kind, etc!) can easily make other people feel trapped, coerced, cornered with their gifts or gestures

      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
    8. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      and sometimes that's even more coercive bc making a *visible sacrifice for someone* is almost always a signal that they expect to be "made whole" or uh, compensated (not the right word); they expect that they will get back something equivalent or greater than the sacrifice

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
    9. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      if you are resource *poor* and wish to make some gesture for someone that anyone watching *knows* is expensive for you and you don't want to be coercive you need to be sending a lot of signals that make it believable to the recipient that you don't expect anything in return

      2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
    10. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      you can do this by just being the sort of person who frequently "martyrs" themselves in some way for a good cause or by being *absurdly* self-assured, confident, etc and I'm sure there are other ways

      2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 14 Apr 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia @jack_meditates and

      think maybe you can contrast big deal for giver vs big deal for recipient aiming for minimizing the first while maximizing the second is an easy way to avoid squick?

      3:26 PM - 14 Apr 2020
      • 4 Likes
      • ian hines 𖤐 RAVISHING CRYPTID 𖤐 bosco Divia Eden
      2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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        1. bosco‏ @selentelechia 14 Apr 2020
          Replying to @eigenrobot @jack_meditates and

          seems partly right though it seems possible to be extremely coercive by giving gifts that are technically not a big deal to you though I guess in that case you're projecting/implying some sort of strong expectation wrt the recipient's future behavior

          0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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