63/ And more and more this is the response I get from people as I open up. It's so... amazing. It feels really good to be authentic and not feel like I'm hiding anything and not have to think about neutral-coding pronouns of my ex-wife or my childhood when I talk about them.
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64/ Because I really do think most people I come into contact with are kind, good people who really don't care who I am--it's a non-issue for them. I build it up to be so much bigger in my head than it has to be. Again, because shame.
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65/ And like I said, I'm thrilled it's a non-issue. I want it to be something I don't hide but that also doesn't have to be like a major talking point for my life. I want it to be like anything else--an experience I talk about when it's relevant to the conversation.
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66/ And frankly, I'm about to turn 35 here soon. I'm SO tired of living with shame about who I am. I was tortured by feeling awful about who I was for sooooo long and blamed myself and internalized all these bad feelings. My ex's very conservative family rejecting me did not help
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67/ It's hard not internalizing bad feelings when your mother in law refuses to come to your wedding and you get routine challenges about the validity of the most important relationship in your life
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68/ Anyway, this thread is too long already and I can unpack other aspects of this in other threads where I think it's appropriate to the subject matter For now, I just wanted to mention this and let this be a first little step where I'm allowing myself to not feel ashamed
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69/ And also to give myself permission to be myself on Twitter and not have to hide this aspect of my history or identity. Because I kind of want to take my power back from those Twitch assholes who made me cry... just a little.
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70/ It's okay to be who you are. It's great to be who you are! You can't do anything else anyway and still feel consistent and authentic. I want to feel and be authentic. As much as possible, for the rest of my life.
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Replying to @liminal_warmth @jstn and
Thank you for sharing. This was a lovely thread and I appreciate you being open about it. *hugs* if you want 'em. And also I will go attempt to set those assholes on Twitch on fire with my mind now, BRB.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @jstn and
They’re probably just unhappy and don’t deserve to be set on fire but I wish they hadn’t been so mean and I wish I hadn’t let it get to me so much back then I should get back on Twitch sometime
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I heard Facebook has some cool new chat moderation tools for steamers
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Replying to @eigenrobot @GeniesLoki and
Yeah but... I mean... it’s Facebook Do people still use Facebook? Who are these people, boomers?
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