i wonder if westerners like maintaining a nudity taboo partly b/c they're so bad at reading each other that they don't know how else to tell when someone wants to fuck (1/n)
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a lot of the discourse around men being creepy feels misaimed to me; it focuses on behaviors when it's more about the lack of fit between those behaviors and the social / emotional context, which is fundamentally about failure to read + act on the context (2/n)
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i saw and read a lot about men being creepy growing up (and still do) and the lesson i internalized was to just never hit on women ever. it didn't help that i never saw what *good* flirting was supposed to look like, except in TV / movies and that had its own problems (3/n)
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it is actually quite subtle to communicate the difference tho, b/c good vs. bad fit to the context could hinge delicately on the sparkle in her eyes or whether her tone is more playful or bored - hard to communicate through text, although video could work (4/n)
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creepiness is, among other things, a problem of *perception* - men can be astonishingly bad at reading a person or a room, at telling what is even going on at a social / emotional level; i think many women don't quite understand how bad men can be at this (5/n)
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lots of things get in the way of accurate social / emotional reading - anxiety, projecting a fantasy, being stuck in your head instead of sensing with your body - and fortunately it's possible to drastically improve all of them, although that's not all you need to flirt (6/n)
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for me personally it's been wild to have, just in the past 2 weeks, gone through an emotional transition like "wait. what if... women... actually *want* to be flirted with, as long as it's *good*? what if flirting isn't *intrinsically evil*?" (7/n)
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan
oh yeah women love being flirted with . . . when they want to be flirted with . . . by you the trick is mostly identifying this state correctly and not doing it if they don't want it a good first step is being low-level playful all the time and waiting for reciprocation
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Replying to @eigenrobot @QiaochuYuan
you hit the nail me to self: try being low level playful and waiting for recip --- self to me: try being low level anything, no
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