fortunately this is a skill that may be consciously trained for example make a list of ten people in your life go down that list and for each think of something about them that is laudatory it doesnt need to be a big thing--often subtleties are better than prominent traits
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eventually, you can learn to see Good in others reflexively beyond embiggening ones Charm, this is an important trait to develop for living a happy life (naturally it should be tempered with Prudence but the impulse ought to be there)
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suppose you have noticed something you like about someone. How do you tell them? "I like it that you X" is a good start! And it will quite generally be well-received. You don't need to go past this.
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being really masterful in delivery is harder. here is the pith of it. people live in their own stories. a deeply-felt compliment will be one that lets them tell a better story about themselves.
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to do this thoroughly--and I'm not sure it can be done entirely consciously--one must have some intuition about another's story; show their intuition; and guide the complimentee to the new story this is a necessarily intimate exercise
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(delivering a mortal insult is a left-hand path mirror of this but is almost always despicable and if done without Charity and Grace corrodes the insulter more than the insulted)
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Some pitfalls. Do not lie when you deliver a compliment. This is harder than an honest compliment, for one thing, as it is difficult to tell a story around a kernel of falsehood. It also may deceive the complimented and deprive them of a chance to live a better, truer story.
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Relatedly, don't give empty compliment. It's important to _perceive_ something good and true, and share that story. Grasping at unheartfelt tropes will ring hollow and never stick, and over time people will notice and devalue such statements.
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Flattery is fine as long as it is _true_ but you must have a very deft delivery or you will read as fulsome and the recipient will be flustered or put off. Flatter rarely and well and honestly.
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Closing thoughts. People need to be seen and need to be loved (there may not be a difference). Giving someone a compliment shows that you perceive them, perhaps better than they do themselves. Compliments ennoble the giver and recipient alike. Be excellent to each other.
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eigenrobot Retweeted
appending this lovely real life example ps dont forget to send thank you cards after Christmas https://twitter.com/WithTheCaswave/status/1208059535673323520?s=19 …
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