which appeals to the part of me that finds it so necessary to be Independent but another part is going c'mon man have you met the whole of humanity??? people aren't fungible!
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I don't just need people and I don't just need connection I need specific people and specific ways of connecting and anything less is like cutting off my right arm
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and I can weather losing Specific People and I will be hurt and grieve for them if I lose them but I can weather it best by grieving in unison with other Specific People
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Replying to @selentelechia
I have some thoughts on this Theyre thread salient and maybe resolve some bits but also sound in my mind like relationship denegotiation (ie "stop trying to offer me space to negotiate about this your needs are Fine and Good as is nerd!!!") Poast or talk offline?
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Replying to @selentelechia
ok in no particular order: 1. I think this is a perfectly normal and healthy need. In the same way that (ime) much of a person's life--even the important bits--is bound up in their quotidian habits and environment, one's constant low-level operation may bind to everyday people
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Replying to @eigenrobot @selentelechia
2. It's probably best to view the value of Independence as a means rather than an end. Related: there are cases where cultivating (if this is even possible) a greater ability to stand alone is helpful, but this is rarely costless. What is the trade-off?
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Replying to @eigenrobot @selentelechia
3. Also related Jesus I wish Culture Writers (and also everyone but especially them) would stop hopping from means to ends to Core Values like it's nothing and also blithely assuming their preferences are best for everyone
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Replying to @context_ing @selentelechia
oh sure! hmm a lot of directions maybe I try to just clarify there is a lot of Cultural Prescription that goes from "here is a thing that I do" to "here is a thing that I Should do" to "here is a thing Everyone Must do" at a breathtaking pace
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there is no subculture I am calling out in particular everyone does it but one recent example that springs to mind is the treadmill certain folks have ridden from "polyamory seems to solve problems I have" to "polyamory is the superior way--nay, the only Moral way to do romance"
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my Hunch (and who knows) is that pop feminism rode that line from Virginia Woolf to Hillary Clinton shitting on cookie baking and now the idea that a woman might become attached or reliant on a man is a low-grade norm violation in some circles
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