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eigenrobot

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    1. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      bosco Retweeted bosco

      more on this: I don't think I've fully accepted that I need this I can make jokes about it and claim it as a trait, but only at arm's length really *needing* something from somebody else feels like an exposed, vulnerable statehttps://twitter.com/selentelechia/status/1206475204517478400 …

      bosco added,

      bosco @selentelechia
      what a strange feeling it isn't romantic codependence as such but I spiral *fast* when I don't have a certain kind of secure interpersonal connection partners are certainly the most common source of internal anchoring as an adult, ofc but my parents are too
      Show this thread
      3 replies 0 retweets 21 likes
      Show this thread
    2. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      which doesn't make much sense humans are deeply social creatures regardless, I have this idea that anything less than total self-sufficiency is weak/vulnerable/risky or maybe a character flaw

      2 replies 1 retweet 17 likes
      Show this thread
    3. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      on some level, needing something from a *romantic partner* feels especially intrusive, imposing, likely to foster resentment and suffocation there is something in the cultural water supply about codependency Thou Shalt Not Be Codependent

      2 replies 1 retweet 16 likes
      Show this thread
    4. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      other implicit commands along these lines Thou Shalt Take Isolation In Stride Thou Shalt Be Exactly The Right Amount of Needy

      1 reply 0 retweets 18 likes
      Show this thread
    5. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      I think this is one reason I have trouble integrating all that stuff from Courage to be Disliked the author talks about having enough distance from loved ones to transfer that feeling of community to the whole of humanity

      1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
      Show this thread
    6. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      which appeals to the part of me that finds it so necessary to be Independent but another part is going c'mon man have you met the whole of humanity??? people aren't fungible!

      1 reply 0 retweets 15 likes
      Show this thread
    7. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      I don't just need people and I don't just need connection I need specific people and specific ways of connecting and anything less is like cutting off my right arm

      1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
      Show this thread
    8. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019

      and I can weather losing Specific People and I will be hurt and grieve for them if I lose them but I can weather it best by grieving in unison with other Specific People

      3 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
      Show this thread
    9. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 16 Dec 2019
      Replying to @selentelechia

      I have some thoughts on this Theyre thread salient and maybe resolve some bits but also sound in my mind like relationship denegotiation (ie "stop trying to offer me space to negotiate about this your needs are Fine and Good as is nerd!!!") Poast or talk offline?

      1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
    10. bosco‏ @selentelechia 16 Dec 2019
      Replying to @eigenrobot

      oh feel free to post :)

      2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 16 Dec 2019
      Replying to @selentelechia

      ok in no particular order: 1. I think this is a perfectly normal and healthy need. In the same way that (ime) much of a person's life--even the important bits--is bound up in their quotidian habits and environment, one's constant low-level operation may bind to everyday people

      5:31 PM - 16 Dec 2019
      • 5 Likes
      • Robot Bastard! Dedicating Ruckus bosco Tim Rooney
      1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 16 Dec 2019
          Replying to @eigenrobot @selentelechia

          2. It's probably best to view the value of Independence as a means rather than an end. Related: there are cases where cultivating (if this is even possible) a greater ability to stand alone is helpful, but this is rarely costless. What is the trade-off?

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
        3. eigenrobot‏ @eigenrobot 16 Dec 2019
          Replying to @eigenrobot @selentelechia

          3. Also related Jesus I wish Culture Writers (and also everyone but especially them) would stop hopping from means to ends to Core Values like it's nothing and also blithely assuming their preferences are best for everyone

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
        4. Show replies

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