6. for me it's especially helpful to relate to my parts as small children (which they often are in some sense), so i can feel compassion for their suffering see also:https://twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/status/1192601917970505729 …
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7. the way many people emotionally self-regulate in practice is by either fighting an emotional energy with another one (e.g. sadness with anger as above) or shutting their emotions down generally;
@Meaningness also talks about this; there's another way! https://vividness.live/2012/07/03/unclogging/ …pic.twitter.com/LKzFbJYyk6
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8. it is possible to let go of the stance that emotions have any fixed meaning. feeling fear doesn't have to mean you're weak; feeling sadness doesn't have to mean you're a crybaby; feeling anger doesn't have to mean you're bad or evil much easier to allow emotion this way
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9. you don't have to do emotional regulation alone, although sometimes you may have no other choice. we naturally regulate each other. being around a calm person who's attuned to you is calming. you can learn to be this sort of person for others as well
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10. and, skillfully helping others with their emotions is hard and most people don't know how to do it! by default people also attach fixed meanings to *others'* emotions - e.g. if my friend is sad i must be sad with them and try to help them or else i'm a bad friend
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11. you can learn to let go of your meanings about others' emotions as well, and just sit with their emotion and help them sit with it too. this may involve doing some work on your own about e.g. your insecurities around being a bad friend
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12. it's actually not helpful to hold onto things like "i have to be sad when my friend is sad", it leads to other people holding things like "i can't tell my friend i'm sad because i'll make them sad and that'll hurt them"
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13. what people want is *attunement*, which is hard to describe and hard to pin down and most people don't even have the word for it so they talk about other stuff that's nearby but not really it. attunement means you are *with them* in the emotion
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14. a nearby thing that some people do is just feeling the emotion because the other person is feeling it; this is more properly termed "not having emotional boundaries" and while it is kinda cool as a kinda psychic power it's also a pain in the ass if you don't know how to stop
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hard to say anything about thi's
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