Helping people is hard. Giving advice to people is rarely effective. Much advice boils down to: here's what I'd do if I were you. The trouble is that although you may see a way out of a given predicament as you imagine yourself facing it, you are not the one in that situation.
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When I look at their difficulties, they seem to ultimately stem from these internal factors. The "bad" decisions they've made are downstream of their emotional, cognitive, and social struggles. And it's brutal knowing that there's really nothing I can do to change these things.
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This sort of experience makes me especially pessimistic about the possibility of government efforts to solve social problems. Treat symptoms? Sure. Getting food to people is easy and cheap. Housing and mental health care? Within limits. Day care for dependents? Schools, fine.
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But I don't see any of this resolving what in my local society are basically a set of deep-seated and apparently mostly-heritable problems. No government program is going to accomplish more for these specific relatives than palliation.
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That may be a noble cause, but I don't see welfare described as an ameliorant really ever. It's always a Solution. Outside of a few cases (where people would likely Succeed in any case) I just don't believe it is.
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So, each holiday, I go out to eat with my strugglers. I listen to their stories, and smile when they do well, or (more often) wince when they tell me where they've erred--often not realizing their mistakes. I try to make them feel loved and pick up the tab, and collapse at home.
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End of conversation
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