thoughtful but cursed thread its nice that people are trying and I am glad people recognize that they are trying but theres no set of rules to follow rather most of flirting (and even socializing) is flitting between rulesets and violating them artfully https://t.co/POemOqVgbI
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"being a creep" seems roughly the same as "playing by the wrong set of rules" slash "breaking the set of rules I'm communicating tacitly that I want you to follow" "be Professional and act like you're talking to your manager" is *safe* but basically social bondage
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I've been thinking about this a lot, trying to make a big formless thing legible no success yet but my hunch is that the only way to actually come off as not creepy if this is a problem is to throw yourself into lots of novel situations and often fuck them up until you git gud
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the contemporary problem I think is that people have to use ML terms switched to a high-recall shit-precision model in plain terms people are conflating "awkward" with "dangerous" because idk they're panicking about weirdos I guess both types break rules but only one is malign
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(I'm not actually sure actually dangerous people are likely to get caught by the current threat model like Weinstein and Clinton are clearly not socially awkward)
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anyway it's especially shit because trial and error, simple experience, are necessary to develop adult social fluency and this rigid-but-still-tacit ruleset is likely to be ruinous for experimentation and development I'm sorry everyone we live in a society
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Replying to @eigenrobot
simple rule of thumb: if it seems like you’re making someone uncomfortable, stop doing whatever you’re doing that’s making them uncomfortable that’s basically the whole thing right there
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many people (extremely not me but!) have a hard time picking up on discomfort in others sometimes discomfort is playfully feigned you can wait for someone to be explicit about their discomfort but at that point sorry you're already a creep
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Replying to @eigenrobot
that’s a very good point okay, here’s my revised plan: 1) assume everyone around you is uncomfortable 2) die alone
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