thoughtful but cursed thread its nice that people are trying and I am glad people recognize that they are trying but theres no set of rules to follow rather most of flirting (and even socializing) is flitting between rulesets and violating them artfully https://t.co/POemOqVgbI
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simple rule of thumb: if it seems like you’re making someone uncomfortable, stop doing whatever you’re doing that’s making them uncomfortable that’s basically the whole thing right there
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many people (extremely not me but!) have a hard time picking up on discomfort in others sometimes discomfort is playfully feigned you can wait for someone to be explicit about their discomfort but at that point sorry you're already a creep
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The three genres of advice to awkward men: 1) Be naturally good at this. Why aren’t you naturally good you idiot, you worthless waste? 2) Ugh, god, X yourself already. 3) Hi! Chipper advice here on how to X yourself in slow misery as the years crush every last tear out of you!
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The ugly truth is that some significant portion of people are going to die alone and unloved, and “advice” to them is mostly about convincing the advice giver that this is a just and correct state of affairs. Not a comment on the thread you quoted, a general observation.
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Creepy maps on norm deleterious, thinking of this problem in terms of rules you get too many parallel states with differential outcomes. Analogy to norm works because norms are responsive to millieu. Pariahs and Celebrity both break norms. Also manager norm is defeatist quietism
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Reductive take: The actions for “charming” and “creepy” are surface-level indistinguishable; what’s different is that the former are *desired by the receiver* and the latter aren’t. Studying the actions misses the point.
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Exactly! It's not a specific set of actions, it's the ability to interpret feedback and adjust accordingly. And in essence, that's having a relationship. Which is why it's less stupid to test than whether a guy can follow arbitrary courtship rules as cynics make it sound.
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Women have always wanted to throw creeps in jail out of pure sadistic spite. Now they can. Hooray.https://twitter.com/eigenrobot/status/1173426344207601664 …
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See also fundamental attribution error. Nobody thinks, "Oh, he's having an off day." They assume faux pas come from a fundamental, inherent property. Result: not safe for anyone to practice. Hope you're a natural!
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