Birth name feels way too grand and feminine and has always felt Wrong, gender neutral nickname feels Right and Good. But gendered nickname feels fine too. Maybe it’s more of a matter of not identifying w elegant, adult-sounding things?
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Scott Alexander mentioned in a post thinking he’d be cool w waking up female but also cool w waking up w a 3rd arm. The 3rd arm thing instinctively creeped me the fuck out in a way that the idea of waking up w a dick doesn’t. But v likely this is more of a medical “ick.”
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Idea of transitioning sounds interesting and cool and horrible, depending on what aspect I think about. I think my chief concerns (outside of maintaining relationship w het boy) are maximizing my attractiveness w minimum effort/expense, so experimenting w T for now is a “nah.”
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Proper experiment would be to try my best to pass as a dude in public sometimes and see how that feels. And also to go max femme in public as well! To that end I wanna practice vocal masculinization and feminization and get a sick rangggge.
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Disgust feelings about becoming maximum feminine — is it bc I don’t think *anyone* should do this? (weak “no”) bc I don’t think it fits *me*? bc I don’t think I would be good at it?(weak “yes” to both—requires experimentation)
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Maybe I’ll try to do a video series? My default, then pick a list of male Goals and a list of female Goals, try to mimic each as best as possible, then gauge my feelings about it and other people’s responses. (Curious if what feels performative is perceived as such.)
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Any ideas for male/female goals are appreciated! (Usually I’m disgusted by “normie women” or anything that feels intentionally sexual, but it’d probably be worth exploring.)
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OH to clarify I meant, like, people to emulate rather than things to do. Although things to do would actually be good as well!!
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Strongest evidence for nb status (mostly joking): I adhere closely to the short, partly-shaved hair; oversized glasses; patterned short-sleeved button down dress code.
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Replying to @goblinodds
I have had a kind of dysphoria in my life but it was around clothes Really frustrating, just felt Wrong but I didn't know what to do differently Turns out the solution was to read a ton about fashion, then visit thrift stores and tailors and generally Fuck Around and Find Out
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testing labels can be kind of useful as a template for experimentation but I think fixating on them is often a mistake like use labels and archetypes as tools or modes but not identities is my hunch for what might pass as advice
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Replying to @eigenrobot
I like this format! I’ll have to keep that in mind more consciously.
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