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egg_report's profile
Randy
Randy
Randy
@egg_report

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Randy

@egg_report

World's leading incel rock solo autist. http://medium.com/@whispersfromtheblackegg … provide me applause, grant me sustenance

https://curiouscat.me/egg_report
soundcloud.com/user-420816567
Joined October 2017

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    1. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

      you are not weak

      2 replies 1 retweet 11 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

      once upon a time I was in a strange country with strange customs and strange people, and lived a strange life for a little while

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

      while there I met a man who was quite insane. he was a chronic liar. Or, at least, he used to be. Had been for a long time, most of his life. to the point where I couldnt actually tell - I could tell he had the proclivity and the ability. That he was good at it.

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

      In our small strange commune of strange people, he quickly become a leader of sorts. He was intent on bringing us together, making us all feel part of the same team. Feel brotherhood. This too, he was very good at. The skillsets overlap

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      Show this thread
      Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

      after a few days, one evening he left our campfire early. exhausted from being "on" constantly since we all first met, having succeded in making a barebones social framework the group could work from. I had been wanting to talk to him alone, so I kept him company as he went

      3:42 PM - 1 Nov 2018
      • 4 Likes
      • Oberleutnant Pammyu Nathan 🏔️Shattered Symbols🏛️ cowboy online
      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I wanted to, because I wanted to get a feel for him, get a closer look to see what was genuine and what was facade. and because I'm not comfortable in group settings mostly.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
          Show this thread
        3. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          he seemed genuinely surprised at this, but welcomed it. we went for a long detour. I cought myself trying to impress him. still feel a little bit ashamed thinking about it. first thing i said was some attempt to show how clever I was, how I had seen through him.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
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        4. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          How I could see how, exactly, he was guarded. Only realised after I had said so that I did so because I wanted to impress him.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
          Show this thread
        5. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I had wanted to ask him things, interrogate him, find out what was what. soon however I spilled my own beans and told him about my childhood. talked about drugs, having friends die, abuse. He told me about being beaten by his dad.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
          Show this thread
        6. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          eventually I did get my answers. he wanted, desperately, to make sure that our endevour suceeded socially. He was working to make sure that no one felt alone. that no one ever felt they were locked in a basement without lights after being beaten by people they loved.

          1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
          Show this thread
        7. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I never asked him that and he never said that.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
          Show this thread
        8. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          there was still something wierd about it, and it still felt it the following days. a sort of mania. an obsession. his intentions were good, but they were feverish. still, I envied him

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
          Show this thread
        9. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I soon let my guard down entirely. We were kin, of some sort. And I told him about my failings, my struggle to live and to feel. my sense of complete alienation and weakness. about being haunted by memories of death knawing on my bones and living in constant irrational fear

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
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        10. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          about the strange burning, feverish, inflammatory sensation i feel just under the skin and in my skull. a smoldering dark orange resentment and lust for destruction that I had turned inwards, burning myself, in a misguided attempt to spare the world

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
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        11. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I was sitting on a small field of grass and he was sitting up against a lamp post. After I came to some plateau in my talking, he looked me in the eyes, and said: "you are not broken." thinking about it still makes my eyes wet.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
          Show this thread
        12. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I started laughing to not cry. it was off in a way; I could tell that it was not completely organic. he had said that before. he had had that conversation before. We had a genuine human connection, but there was something, some tiny little thing, missing

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
          Show this thread
        13. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I still, perhaps more than ever in that moment, wanted to impress him. I wanted that moment of connection to be even more important than the other times he had said it. I wanted it to mean more. Because then perhaps, it could feel more true. perhaps then I could believe it

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        14. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          I laughed like a wounded animal, and told him "No." surprised to find myself saying it through my teeth. "I AM broken."

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
          Show this thread
        15. Randy‏ @egg_report Nov 1

          and I just realised that I wish he would have said "you are not weak."

          0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
          Show this thread
        16. End of conversation

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