Emily Farris

Is @realDonaldTrump the most loathed man in the world? Does he even know what that word means?

Trump has ruined even the shallow-fleeting joy that Global Warming brings on a 63° January Monday.

I want to #deleteueber but I also don't want to drive drunk. And there really are no good options in #kcmo. But I go out, like, once a year.

One of our dogs waits at the other's ass for the shit to come out so he can eat it. And that's pretty much how it feels to read the news.

I can't wait for tomorrow when @POTUS [shudder] @realDonaldTrump will get a visual representation of how many people truly hate him.

Poor, sad @realDonaldTrump still can't get over the fact that @HillaryClinton won the popular vote. Why is he still talking about her?

"Left-wing blog." Heehee @BuzzFeed.

I mean, look, do I really believe @realDonaldTrump likes being pissed on by Russian prostitutes? Yes, yes I do.

Man, @realDonaldTrump is pissed. Let's all shower him with affection so he knows he's still our golden boy.

Just found some chili in the freezer. I made it in November. Of 2015. Safe? Or no? I mean, it was frozen (but, I know). No dairy, no meat.

Only 24 minutes into "Spring" and I don't know how many more times I can handle Rory Gillmore saying "Condé Nast."

Has anyone used LegalZoom to file a trademark application? Do you recommend?

I should probably stop casually dropping F-bombs in small talk w/ strangers—especially in coffee shops in Kansas City. And with baby. Fuck.

Do I know anyone in #kcmo looking for studio/desk space? Trying to decide between two sizes in Brookside and would take a studio mate.

And... I just cried at the 60-second preview for Loving. It's going to be a lot harder to watch now, sadly.

Will someone in New York please open a big public bathroom station and call it Donald Dumps? I'd pay $5 to shit there.