For many reasons, utilitarian consequentialism is lousy for self-understanding. Here’s one: asking “Am I helpful or harmful?” is soul-crushing compared to “Am I an agent of beauty/truth/love/etc?”
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Ethics is for decision-making, not judgement. "Have I been helpful/harmful" is a useless question; "which possible course of action will the most helpful" is useful. Still intractable (in agreement with your last point), but should be the ideal which is approximated by virtue etc
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Perhaps you know this already, but there’s an infinite regress in your suggestion re: “ideal approximated by virtue” — what is considered helpful depends upon what is considered true, beauty, loving etc. See the classic http://fs2.american.edu/dfagel/www/Class%20Readings/Taylor/Human%20Agency.pdf …
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