I've had some TERFs in my mentions, so I'm going to write a small thread on how embarrassment and self-hatred kept me from transitioning.
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I blamed trans people for that pain. I viscerally wanted them to stop hurting me by being the object of ridicule.
In addition to angry, I also felt intensely jealous. "Why do trans people get to transition when I secretly want to transition but can't?"
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I held all that inside because I was embarrassed, and I didn't want to be laughed at, and I was ashamed.
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The most freeing moment of my life was when I finally had the thought that no one was stopping me from transitioning but me.
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