I've had some TERFs in my mentions, so I'm going to write a small thread on how embarrassment and self-hatred kept me from transitioning.
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I never found trans people funny myself, but I knew that other people found them funny, and this was painful to me.
I blamed trans people for that pain. I viscerally wanted them to stop hurting me by being the object of ridicule.
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I had a long conversation with a trans-critical person and this basic thing seemed to crop up again and again:
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Laying real & hypothetical material harm at the feet of trans people instead of the people who are actually literally carrying out that harm
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In addition to angry, I also felt intensely jealous. "Why do trans people get to transition when I secretly want to transition but can't?"
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I held all that inside because I was embarrassed, and I didn't want to be laughed at, and I was ashamed.
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