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I realize now I wasn't ugly, but I was firmly convinced I wasn't pretty. I felt like nothing ever came as easy to me as it did ny pretty cis girl friends. I now think I wasn't fully open to the same easy things, subconsciously.
I relate to this a lot. I was very jealous of/angry at cis women, and those feelings just disappeared like magic when I accepted my transness- and they weren't replaced by similar feelings towards cis men.
I battled a lot of bitterness toward my conventionally attractive cis friends.. it's so sad, because I can honestly see I was cute but I was so confused and sad, I wasn't able to recognize it in myself or any recognition in others too. hoping post pandemic to try flirting again.
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