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You look at how prominent detransitioners are talked about, like Keira Bell, and it's dripping with an attitude of "this poor young girl was made into an uggo monster." The facial hair, the body hair, the deep voice- what straight man would ever want to have sex with us?
This is woven into counseling around testosterone, and gatekeeping trans male transition. "Effects are permanent. You can never go back." But, you CAN go back to thinking of yourself as a woman. You CAN go back to presenting femme. You can never go back... to being fuckable.
If being fuckable by straight cis men (and transphobic lesbians) is synonymous with being a woman, then transition becomes this one way door we can walk through... but never fully return from.
This attitude is very rarely challenged. The people who challenge it most often are radical feminists (which makes things A LITTLE AWKWARD), and trans women (also awkward, though less so, and for very different reasons).
Despite the awkwardness, though, I think trans men can look to radical feminist traditions and to trans women.
For instance, I've really drawn strength from comedian @rileyjsilverman (not, let me be clear, an ugly woman) and her embrace of the voice nature gave her.
These traditions suggest that women don't have to be pretty, and may, in fact, own their power by rejecting prettiness. But they can also provide a framework for naming and rejecting the pressure to be a pretty woman as a trans man or nonbinary person. /end
HOLY SHIT. I’ve been puzzling this out as I’ve started my journey on T, because the reality is, I’m 6 months in and still get misgendered as a woman. And a lot of the effects are, indeed, reversible. This. This is what they mean by “you can never go back”.
for me, top surgery helped these feelings. because it was MORE irreversible, I felt like I both had to fully commit and also got to fully give up any idea of going back. I guess I could've shaved my boobs before but now I don't even have nipples, so take that patriarchy!
it felt like I was carrying around a constant reminder of what I failed to live up to. what the world wanted me to be proud of but only caused me pain. that's a hard and confusing burden to have. sorry, I'm derailing.
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