BABY DOLLS: Are they actually for playing with? An investigation.
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William's words really struck a chord with me. I really liked dolls, and had a favorite doll who I named Baby Janet after my mother (oof, what's going on there, huh?).
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But even as a confirmed doll-liker I recognized this dynamic with baby dolls- and no other toys- where you couldn't hold them wrong or be rough with them or use their hard plastic heads as a weapon to hit your sister.
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OK, maaaaybe you shouldn't be hitting your sister with any hard plastic toys- but only with a baby doll would there be almost as much concern for the poor dolly as there was for your poor sissy!
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William came up with this idea that dolls are Not For Play. In his words: "I will cuddle and love and befriend and anything with a face. But those baby dollies were so solidly Not For Play, they couldn't be a dragon slayer or a journalist or talk back or have stories"
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Now, I don't think this is universal. My Baby Janet was the queen of the toys. She was in charge, told every other toy what to do, and demanded to be the center of attention at all times. But I still think William's point is incredibly perceptive.
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When we instruct AFAB children in how to hold and treat a baby doll, we're not letting them play with it. When they do as instructed, they're not playing. And, it's DEFINITELY not encouraging play when we scold a child for treating a bit of plastic with a face too roughly.
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It's something else entirely. It's a chore, or a punishment. And, to the extent that baby dolls are primarily used as a chore or a punishment to coerce AFABs into perform nurturing on demand, they're not really toys. As William put it, they're Not For Playing.
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More from William- I actually found this story quite shocking: When I worked at a primary school if the girls played like the boys the teachers would stick a dolly in their hands and do the concern play thing...
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...and the only way they could get out of it was if they "found someone to look after the dolly" so me, the classroom assistant, would end up looking after like six baby dollies...
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...And like you point out- always the more tomboyish girls who'd get that punishment more quickly. A really ribbons-and-princess girl could go and play with the boys for a bit and just be "trusted" to come back, a girl in a tracksuit would get immediately handed a dolly
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DOLLS AS PUNISHMENT FOR BOYISHNESS!!! (Those in charge don't actually call it punishment, of course, but if it's a correction for unwanted behavior that really reeks of punishment.) What is it with these empty eyed, tyrannical, plastic, little bottle feeders?
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And, again, can't stress enough that this isn't universal behavior. Some parents treat dolls like any normal toy. My niece can drag a dolly around by its hair or use it as a pretend hammer and no one bats an eye. But it's common enough to be recognizable for most people.
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Punishment that we pretend isn't punishment because everything is so feminized and it would NEVER do to actually punish a female child feels like it could be its own thread... but I will leave it for another day.
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End of conversation
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