Evan Urquhart

A trans narrative we're all familiar with is that trans women who display femininity in youth are often punished for it with aggression. Often this means physical abuse. The last thing I want is to downplay/draw equivalencies btw abuse and other harmful experiences in childhood.

So, when I say that young trans men's aggression is often suppressed using femininity, I mean to suggest that there's a mirrored-ness to the pattern, not that physical abuse of trans girls is the same in terms of seriousness.

Now, I'm defining "aggression" relatively broadly, here. It very much includes physicality like pushing, hitting, and rough-housing in youth, but also things like loudness, competitiveness, and bossiness/assertiveness. What happens to trans boys who express aggression?

Although trans boys may also experience child abuse, most often the response isn't to hit a trans boy for hitting.

What I've observed, in my own life and in observing others, is an exaggerated concern. "Ohhhh NO. We don't hit our friends. We LOVE our friends. We hug our friends. Go hug your friend. Go show your friend what a nice girl you are who never hits."

While a cis boy who hits more often gets a sharp "No hitting!" the trans boy gets a drawn out feminine morality play, then (often) coerced into participating in it. Exaggerated emotional concern is first shown, then drawn out of the child before he can continue playing.

What you begin to feel, when you're subjected to this day in and day out, is that you're a monster. You could easily hurt others and have to be very careful at all times.

My family was particularly extreme in this regard. My sister and I weren't allowed ANY roughhousing. My fondest memories are of my friend Chris, a cis boy 9 months older than me, and an occasional elbow fight or splash fight where I could just let go and try to destroy him.