Evan Urquhart

I think this is what I'm getting at when I talk about the period of my life, between about 30 and about 36, when I was free from any symptoms of mental illness.https://twitter.com/Chican3ry/status/1362085715451015172 …

I was happy. I was employed (finally). I got married. (All this happened immediately after I began wearing men's clothes, but set that aside for a moment).

But I still didn't feel *right*. I still felt I was struggling to keep something in check- a terrible force that might be unleashed at any time and destroy me. It's the best you can hope for from conversion therapy. A detante where you've successfully kept yourself at bay.

Because that's what I was holding back- my desire to have been "born a boy" and my discomfort with the feminine shape of my body, carefully hidden under men's clothing so I didn't have to look at it so often.

The most distressing idea in the world to me, in that period, was the idea of wearing or being given men's "style" clothing for a female body. It felt like the prison I'd escaped from had caught up with me, the idea of wearing men's clothes that fit my body more snugly.