Evan Urquhart

It used to feel unreachable. But post transition, speaking out for trans rights, this is how I feel.

Imagine you were 36 yrs old. You'd lost a decade of your life to severe eating disorders and suicidal thoughts. You'd finally got your life together in your 30s, but you still felt bad and wrong all the time.

Then one day- at 36 fucking years old, you realized you were transgender. You weren't incurably mentally ill. You didn't have body image issues. You didn't have untreatable chronic depression. You didn't have a personality disorder. You weren't an unemployable fuckup...

You'd given up believing in root causes for your problems and committed to a white-knuckled mature adulthood that relied on never letting yourself feel anything or follow your own instincts... And then suddenly, after you'd given up... There was an actual answer. And it worked.

At 37 you got on a medication, testosterone, that just... worked. You don't feel crazy anymore. You don't hate yourself anymore. In the bathroom every morning you find you can look yourself in the eye, and you don't shy away. It's not a stranger, in there, it's you.

We live in a time of medical miracles, where a person who has never passed for male a day in their life can take a weekly injection and pass as a man consistently in roughly 2 years. I will never stop feeling amazement, and gratitude, and joy.