Evan Urquhart

Then beneath it all, we have this deeper level of masculine/feminine based on deep voices, muscles, broad frames. These are traits some women also have, they're neutral, difficult or impossible to change, and have nothing to do with transitory sociocultural cues (like pink/blue).

And, because the culture is so fucked, there's a lot of shame around being a man and not having those traits. Not having the height, not having the muscles, not having the deep voice or the thick beard.

It leads to overcompensating, overdosing on the women-hating cultural masculinity to make up the deficit in testosterone-influenced natural masculinity. We're getting in to my third Big Question, here. What's left of masculinity without sexism?

What's left of masculinity without sexism.... What's left... I think what I really mean, in asking this question, is: Can you ever feel good about your masculinity, or your male identity, in a culture where women are oppressed and femininity is devalued?

I feel strongly that men shouldn't have to "embrace the feminine" to be good guys. Not reflexively push away, mock, or devalue the feminine? Yes. Embrace if it feels weird or wrong or embarrassing for them? No.

Yeah, embracing it to like... wear skirts and things myself? I cannot do. I have too much trauma and too much inherent discomfort in being perceived as female or feminine. I spent my life fighting like hell to not be seen like that. But I enjoy other folks going buck wild w it!

That's not what embracing your femininity as a man means.

According to a shitload of people, it is. Like... even trans people push this narrative. Part of the struggle is separating all of that out to find out what femininity means to *me* and not what everyone else says it is.