I'd say that feeling like a man is sufficient, but not necessary, for being a man. So: Everyone who consistently feels like a man is a man. Some people who don't feel like men are also men. Let's focus on this second group. Why are they men?
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Way back when I was just coming to awareness that I was trans, I really struggled with this question of "Could I say I'm a man and would that be ridiculous or a lie?"
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A very wise trans woman told me about a friend of hers who believed transition was a matter of persuasion. If you persuaded the majority of people in your social millieu to accept you as a gender, you became that gender.
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I found this very comforting at the time. I don't think it's quite my final answer to "WHAT AM MAN???" but I like locating gender in social relationships as an alternative to people's inner feelings and thoughts.
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My gender dysphoria is based on physical attrubutes, not social role. There's nothing about a natal male body I wouldn't want, and nothing about a natal female body I'd like to keep.
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I pursued/am pursuing a binary gender transition. When people gender me male that is comfortable- no part of myself cries out "that's wrong!" So, when I say "I am a man" I mostly mean that when people see me as a man, that's the most comfortable situation for me.
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Replying to @e_urq
could you elaborate on what you mean by "my gender dysphoria is based on physical attrubutes" + "when people see me as a man, that's ... most comfortable"? b/c feeling uncomfortable when ppl fail to perceive you as a man just is "social dysphoria" (as i understand the term)
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Replying to @Sandbot2
Yeah, I'll gladly say more about that. Before I experienced physical changes I actually felt LESS comfortable when people used he/him pronouns for me in queer spaces.
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My body hadn't changed, so the use of male pronouns felt awkwardly premature. I preferred female pronouns while my body was still female-coded. Now when I'm gendered male by strangers, it reinforces how my body changed, which feels good. Absent those changes it did not.
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Replying to @e_urq
huh, that's interesting so would transition be completely unappealing/incomprehensible to you if medical technology didn't enable the alteration of sex characteristics?
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Yes- even in a completely affirming environment I'd have no interest in social transition without medical transition. In a totally unaffirming situation I'd want medical transition just as much even if name/pronoun and other social changes were off limits somehow.
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Replying to @e_urq
if, pre-transition, you could have taken a magic pill to eliminate all physical dysphoria (no side effects), would you have preferred that to transitioning? and, if so, is that a 'duh, obviously' kind of decision?
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Replying to @Sandbot2
Its a duh, obviously- I'd have no interest in that kind of 'cure' now, since my body has changed, but pre-transition I'd have gladly taken a 'cure' to make me a cis woman over a medical transition if such a thing was available to me.
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