Evan Urquhart

There are three Big Questions (TM) about gender that I find personally interesting. What does it mean to be a man? How does masculinity relate to being a man? What's left of masculinity if you remove sexism? Pls note: Interesting (to me) =/= important (to anyone).

The first question is arguably the hardest. What does it mean to be a man? Some trans people might answer "If you feel like a man, you're a man." I accept that, but I don't feel like a man, or know what people mean by these gender feelings. There are cis men who say the same.

I'd say that feeling like a man is sufficient, but not necessary, for being a man. So: Everyone who consistently feels like a man is a man. Some people who don't feel like men are also men. Let's focus on this second group. Why are they men?

Way back when I was just coming to awareness that I was trans, I really struggled with this question of "Could I say I'm a man and would that be ridiculous or a lie?"

A very wise trans woman told me about a friend of hers who believed transition was a matter of persuasion. If you persuaded the majority of people in your social millieu to accept you as a gender, you became that gender.

I found this very comforting at the time. I don't think it's quite my final answer to "WHAT AM MAN???" but I like locating gender in social relationships as an alternative to people's inner feelings and thoughts.

My gender dysphoria is based on physical attrubutes, not social role. There's nothing about a natal male body I wouldn't want, and nothing about a natal female body I'd like to keep.

I pursued/am pursuing a binary gender transition. When people gender me male that is comfortable- no part of myself cries out "that's wrong!" So, when I say "I am a man" I mostly mean that when people see me as a man, that's the most comfortable situation for me.