It's actually... painful. I have a friend I met in treatment, who is still chronically sick with anorexia which is slowly killing her. She's lost most of her teeth. She has thin hair and terrible color and lives in misery....
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...She has begged me to tell her transition could be the answer for her, because I'm doing so well and she's so sick. I ask: Do you want to be a man? Would you be happy in a man's body? And she says no. It hurts so much to see her suffer while I'm so strong and healthy.
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She doesn't just say no- she says "of course not". And I say, "well, there's your answer. It wouldn't work for you." But if there was even a slight hope that it would, she'd try it. She's been looking for a way out, and not finding one, since long before I knew her.
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I know a few people who were anorexic before coming out as trans and going on to transition. The former was an attempt to destroy their body, while the latter was reclaiming it. Glad you managed to recover

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It's an absolutely horrible, deadly disorder. I recovered from it fully before considering transition, but my recovery was only about my behaviors. Only transition relieved the hatred and disgust I felt towards my own body. Only transition allowed me to start to love myself.
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