I didn't read all of JK Rowling's extremely long essay because I got tired of slogging through bad writing, but the part where she said that if she'd been born later, she might have decided to transition stood out like a blinking neon sign, and yet hardly anybody talks about it.
There's nothing coincidental about any of it. Self-hating trans ppl can't stand seeing openly trans men and women's happiness & seek to destroy it by any means possible. Regular bigots share that desire to hurt us, and have vast evangelical organizations and limitless cash.
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You're framing this as if transphobia comes from the angst of closeted trans men- the reason they're angsty and closeted in the first place is the cispatriarchy, perpetuated by and controlled cis people. It isn't trans people's fault things are like this.
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Also, people blame trans men for TERFs enough as is. Need I remind yall that TERFs use these exact talking points to manipulate and abuse trans men into joining their hate cult, among other violence. Their goal is to use these ideas to force us to detransition.
End of conversation
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